February

12th February

It's been a while since I wrote anything, but today I really have something to write about.  I met someone!  His name is Dean but everyone calls him Spyder 'cos he's got this weird crop of skinny dreads on the top of his head.  He is my knight in shining armour!  Well, black army coat and aviator shades!   I wasn't exactly looking for a new boyfriend but I guess these things happen when you least expect them to.

Unknown Pleasures were supporting a band at the uni so I met up with Simon and everyone and went to the gig.  I told Simon about me and Adam splitting up, he said that was a very wise decision.  That made me smile.  Simon can be a bit weird sometimes, I wondered if he was trying to hit on me but he wasn't.  I've never seen him with a girl.  Maybe he's gay?  Whatever, he's a good friend and I love him to bits no matter how weird he is.

Anyway, after the gig we went to a party at Spyder's house.  Simon had met Spyder on the forum and he said he could crash there after the gig.  Simon introduced me to Spyder and we got talking.  I found out he's a photographer.  He works freelance, taking gig pictures for magazines while he's building a portfolio.  He said he'd love to put on his own exhibition one day.   Spyder was really interesting, and kind of cute in his own way.  I liked him.  It was nice to talk to a guy without him trying it on with me. 

The party was really busy, I nearly died when Dev and Paul from Unknown Pleasures, walked in, followed by Jamie and Miles!  Unknown Pleasures had come to the party!!!  I couldn't believe it!  Spyder introduced me to Miles and I got all tongue tied.  Miles asked if I'd enjoyed the show and I just blushed and giggled.  I went into the kitchen to get a beer but Miles's girlfriend Cassandra pinned me up against the fridge and warned me off him!  She is one paranoid bitch!  I'd hardly said two words to the guy!

I grabbed a can of lager and was on my way back to the living room when Adam and Josh walked in.  I could tell just by the way Adam was standing that he was pissed.  I tried to duck back into the kitchen but he'd already seen me.  He called my name and threw his arms around my neck and tried to kiss me.  I struggled against him but he was too strong, so I raised my knee and got him right in the bollocks.  He let go and doubled up in agony.

I smiled and turned to walk away but he reached out and grabbed my hair.  I screamed and everyone turned around to look.  I shouted at Adam to let me go but he laughed and said, 'No-one walks away from me, baby!'  I yelled at him but he grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the door.  I was so scared!

I heard a voice behind me say, 'Let her go!'  I looked up and saw Spyder standing there, looking all serious.  Adam just laughed.  'Are you going to make me?' he said, almost laughing.  Spyder punched him square on the jaw so hard that he stumbled back into Josh and they both fell on the floor.  Adam was livid.  He got up, clutching his face and I thought he was going to hit Spyder but Miles, Simon and the others all stepped up around him.  Josh pulled Adam back saying, 'The bitch isn't worth it!' and they left.

I was completely gobsmacked!  I turned to face Spyder and said, ' I can't believe you did that!'  Spyder said, 'Me neither!' and we both burst out laughing.  I noticed Spyder was rubbing his right hand.  I asked him if it hurt, he said no.  I gave him my 'I don't believe you' look  then he reluctantly admitted that it did hurt a bit so I took him into the kitchen to get some ice on it.  I thanked him for saving me and he said no problem, no-one deserved to be treated like that.

I explained that Adam was my ex-boyfriend and we sat and talked for what must have been hours.  I looked at the kitchen clock and it was half past four in the morning!  I yawned.  Everyone else had either gone home or fallen asleep.  Spyder asked if I wanted to stay.  It was too late to go home and I was too tired to walk, so I said yes.

I followed Spyder up to his room.  It was so tidy!  I'd never seen a boy's room this neat before.  I smiled at Spyder and started to take my clothes off.  He looked so shocked!  He said, 'No, Lora!  I didn't mean...'  I could have died from embarrassment! 

I asked him if he was gay.  He went bright red and shook his head.  I'll never forget what he said next.  He looked right into my eyes and said, 'Lora, you're special.  I'm not going to take advantage of you.   You deserve better than that.'  I could tell it wasn't just a line, he really meant it.  His brown eyes were so pretty, I went to kiss him but he put his finger to my lips and he whispered in my ear, 'Not yet...'   We curled up on his bed and I fell asleep in my clothes with his arm draped around my shoulder.

I woke up with the biggest smile on my face.  I rolled over and just watched Spyder sleeping.  I'd never met anyone quite like him before.  He yawned and stretched, then he smiled at me.  At that moment I fell in love with him.

He took me out for coffee and bought me a blueberry muffin for breakfast.  He was so sweet.  I could have listened to him talk all day long but I needed a shower and I had to sort some things out at the shop so Spyder walked me all the way home.  He held my hand until we got to my front door, then he went all shy.  I kind of got all nervous too.  We swapped phone numbers and he said he'd call me.

Spyder was about to walk away but I couldn't let him leave just like that so I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards me, then I kissed him.  His lips were so soft!  I was worried I'd gone too far but he touched my face and kissed me back.  It was heaven!  Spyder let me go and he blushed as he walked backwards down the path and mumbled, 'I'll call you'.  I giggled and waved goodbye.

My mum opened the front door, surprised to see me.  She asked where I'd been all night so I told her I'd stayed over at a friend's house after the gig last night and he'd just walked me home.  She raised her eyebrows and I went bright red but thankfully she didn't give me the third degree.  I ran up to my room, crashed on my bed and fell asleep dreaming of the sweetest man I'd ever met.

14th February

I am so in love <3  Completely and totally in love <3 <3 <3  I have just got home from the best date ever!  Spyder called yesterday to ask me out.  He's so cute like that.  It makes a nice change from Adam.  I wish I'd dumped him sooner!  Anyway, I don't want to write about Adam, I want to write about Spyder <3

I've not thought about anyone else since the party.  I really have got it bad!  He turned up at the door at 8 o'clock with a single red rose.  How romantic is that?  He took me back to his house and he cooked me dinner.  Yeah, he can cook too!  Pasta carbonara with a green salad and chocolate mousse for dessert, proper homemade mousse, not from the supermarket!   He had a bottle of wine too.  I couldn't believe the trouble he'd gone to. 

After we'd eaten we went up to his room to listen to music.  We just sat on his bed, talking.  The wine had gone to my head and feeling rather brave I touched Spyder's face and kissed him.  He's got such full, soft lips.  I didn't want to let him go!  He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me back as he gently held me in his arms.  It was beautiful! 

I almost ruined it by pushing it too far.  I ran my hand down Spyder's thigh and pulled him close to my body as I laid back on the bed.  I kissed him hard and moved his body on top of mine but he pulled away.  I wondered what I'd done wrong.  I asked him, 'Don't you want to?'  He sighed and said, 'Of course I do, but I don't want to hurry you...'  I couldn't help but burst out laughing.  Spyder looked hurt, so I explained what happened when I started seeing Adam.  I'd only been talking to him for about half an hour before he shagged me in the store room!  Spyder looked really shocked.  I asked him if he thought I was a slag, he said absolutely not.  He said I was a very trusting person and that he didn't want to hurt me.   I thought that was so sweet! 

We kissed and cuddled until late, then Spyder walked me home.  I asked him in but he said he'd best be getting back.  I kissed him one last time on the doorstep.  He stroked my face, hugged me tight and whispered, 'I love you, Lora' in my ear.  Not many things render me speechless, but that did!  I was so shocked I didn't even say it back!

Spyder turned to walk down the path and said, 'I'll call you!'  When I went inside the house I saw my reflection in the hall mirror.  I had the stupidest grin on my face.  I ran up to my bedroom and texted Spyder, 'I LOVE YOU TOO!!!'  A minute later he replied, 'I'll see you tomorrow :D'  I am so happy right now I could EXPLODE!

15th February

I am on cloud 9 today!  I was in such a daze this morning thinking about Spyder that mum cracked up laughing when I put a big spoon of marmalade in my coffee.  She guessed what was up.  I hadn't shut up about Spyder since the party.  She said I'd have to bring him over so she could meet him.  I suggested this weekend but she said no, Dad was taking her away for the weekend.  They were going to a gallery opening in Manchester on Friday night and having dinner with friends on Saturday so they wouldn't be back until Sunday.  I was a bit disappointed until I realised that I'd have the whole house to myself all weekend!

Not that long ago I would have invited everyone over for a party.  I probably would have got into a shit load of trouble for it too but there was only one person I wanted to spend the weekend with.  SPYDER! <3 <3 <3

I went in to work as usual, it was just another normal day until lunch time.  I was about to nip out for a sandwich when I had four customers at once!  My shop is tiny and four people totally fill the place.  I wasn't complaining though.  Just as the customer left I heard the little bell on my door ring again.  I looked up and there was Spyder!  He smiled and held up a brown paper bag - he'd brought me dinner!  He is so thoughtful!

I dragged a chair through from the back and we sat and ate our dinner together.  We talked all afternoon.  I had a few more customers but it was gone five when I realised what the time was.  As I cashed up I casually asked Spyder if he'd like to come over at the weekend, for the WHOLE weekend.  He said yeah, then he realised what I meant.  His expression was so funny!  All excited and scared at the same time.  He was very polite and asked if we had a spare room.  I said no, but I had a spare pillow on my bed.  He blushed and I made him turn even redder when I reminded him we'd already shared a bed, but I said this time I'd like to go further...

Spyder gave me the cutest smile and said that would be good.  I was so happy!  I threw my arms around him and kissed him, which took him by surprise, but he smiled and kissed me back.  We arranged for him to come over at 7 o'clock on Friday night.  I so can't wait!

19th February

Wow!  What a weekend!  I don't know where to start!  I woke up stupidly early on Friday morning, I think I was too excited to sleep, so I tidied up my room and changed the sheets on my bed.  Mum wondered what I was up to but she's not daft and she figured it out pretty quick.  She didn't ask me outright if Spyder was coming over but she did tell me to have a nice time and to be careful.

It was quiet at work.  I was so full of nervous energy I couldn't sit still so I rearranged the clothes rails and set out the new stock I'd picked up last night.  Kelly came in after school.  She'd agreed to run the shop for me on Saturday so me and Spyder could spend the day together.  I went through everything with her again, but she said she'd be fine!  She spent so much of her time in the shop with me she said it would be nice to get paid to be there!

At five I closed up the shop and ran around to Marks and Spencer's.  They had one of those dine in for £10 offers on so I picked up some nice food and wine.  I also popped in the chemist next door for condoms, just to be prepared.

Traffic was terrible and it was after six when I got back to the house.  I put the oven on for the chips and had a quick shower.  I was just putting my mascara on when the doorbell rang.  Spyder was early!  I ran downstairs and opened the door.   He was looking drop dead gorgeous!  I could have had him on the doorstep!

Spyder had brought me a box of chocolates which was really sweet.  I got myself in a bit of a flap over dinner.  Spyder followed me into the kitchen and gave me a hand with the food.  I was dead embarrassed but he said he didn't mind.  His dad was a chef and he said some of his happiest time were in the kitchen with him, making food.

I'd picked up steak, oven chips and stir fry vegetables with raspberry panna cotta for dessert.   I set the table , opened the random bottled of red wine I'd picked up and Spyder fried the steaks to perfection.  We make a good team! 

We chatted through our meal but Spyder seemed a little distracted.  After dessert I made coffee and asked Spyder what was up.  He pointed at the painting on the kitchen wall.  He asked it if was an Andrew Johnson original.  I laughed and said of course it was!  Spyder's jaw nearly hit the floor.  He jumped out of his seat and went to have a closer look at it.  He was struck dumb for a minute, then he asked how we got it.  I laughed again and told him my dad painted it.  At first he didn't believe me so I took him into the living room and showed him some more of his paintings and a small sculpture of his we kept on the mantel piece.

Spyder sat down on the sofa in awe at the art.  He told me he had studied Andrew Johnson's work at uni.  He knew he was from Leeds but he never realised he was my dad!  I thought it was so sweet.  I knew my dad was kind of famous but to me he was just dad! 

I cuddled up on the sofa with Spyder and we finished the wine.  It was still early so I opened another bottle of wine and took Spyder up to my bedroom.  He laughed at the state of my room.  It was so cluttered and messy compared to his.  He sat down on my desk chair but I patted the bed next to me.  He bit his lip and came over to sit with me.

I'd been waiting for this moment for forever and I actually felt a bit nervous.  I took a big gulp of wine then I kissed him.  He looked at me and smiled, he had such pretty eyes.  He kissed me back passionately but he pulled away.  He said he'd left his bag downstairs.  I said that didn't matter and went to kiss him again but he pulled away again.  He gave me an awkward look and whispered, 'I need my bag, the condoms are in there...'  I couldn't help but giggle.

Spyder got his bag, he ran all the way back up the stairs and he put the box of condoms on my bedside table.  I gave him a nervous grin.  He took my hand and said, 'I love you, Lora.'  I stared into his brown eyes and said, 'I love you too!'

The floodgates opened and he kissed me like he'd never kissed me before.  He slid his hands up my top and I pulled it over my head.  He did the same and I ran my fingers over his smooth coffee coloured skin, running my thumbs over his dark nipples, making them stand on end.  I never knew he kept in such good shape as I ran my fingers over his six pack, down to the button on his jeans.  It was wonderful.  We slowly undressed each other and just laid on my bed, naked, kissing, touching.  I was so in love it hurt!

Spyder reached over for the condoms.  He seemed so nervous as he fumbled with the box.  His finger nails were short and he struggled to open the packet so I took it from him, tearing it open with my teeth and I eased the condom over his erection.  He moaned as I rolled it down, then he said, 'You've done this before haven't you?'  I bit my lip and said, 'Once or twice...'  I didn't dare tell him I lost my virginity when I was 14 and I'd slept with five blokes before him.  I didn't want him thinking I was a slut or anything.

Spyder was so gentle.  We took things so slowly at first, it was amazing!  I'd never had sex like this before!  Normally it was a frantic race to come as quickly as possible but Spyder was different.  He touched me so softly is was heaven.  Just as I felt that tingling sensation building up inside me he started to move harder and faster.  He held me tighter and pushed deeper and we both cried out as we came at the same time.  That had never happened with any of my other boyfriends! 

It was perfect!  Spyder had the biggest grin on his face.  I think I must have too.  We just held each other, grinning like very satisfied Cheshire cats.  I fell asleep totally wrapped up in Spyder, completely in love.

In the morning I woke up to find Spyder sitting naked on my desk chair, just watching me.  I asked him what he was doing.  He said he was thinking about taking photographs of me.  I was a bit shocked!  I covered myself up and told him I didn't pose for mucky pictures!  He was so embarrassed!  He came back to bed and tried to explain.  He said he didn't mean pictures like that.  He said the female form is one of the most beautiful things in nature and he said he'd love to photograph my body to show me how he sees it and how beautiful I am.  I relaxed and smiled at him.  I must have been feeling brave because I said, 'OK then...'

I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into but I trusted Spyder.  He seemed surprised but happy at my answer and he asked if I was really sure.  I kissed him and said yeah.  He got out of bed and reached into his bag, pulling out his camera.  I didn't think he meant to take the photographs now!  He must have seen the expression on my face, he blushed and said he never went anywhere without it.

Spyder opened the curtains and fiddled with the settings on his camera, taking a couple of test shots and then fiddling with the settings again.  He threw my duvet and pillows off the bed and told me to stretch out on my back.  I did as I was told and he moved around the bed, click, click, clicking, moving my arm, raising my knee, positioning me just so.  I rolled over onto my side, teasing him, but he kept taking pictures.  We must have played that game for half an hour before Spyder said he had enough shots.

He laid down next to me and kissed my neck.  I rolled over and noticed how aroused he was.  'Not that kind of pictures, eh?' I teased, but Spyder redeemed himself by telling me how very beautiful I was.  He moved himself on top of me and handed me a condom packet.  I smiled at him and hastily tore it open, sheathing his penis before we made love again.

We didn't get out of bed until lunchtime.  I begged him to let me see the photographs but he said no, he had to edit them first.  He explained how he manipulated the images in Photoshop to create the perfect picture.  I asked if it was like what they did to celebs in the magazines, but he frowned at me.  He said what he did was a little more artistic than getting rid of zits and making girls look skinnier.  He said he'd do some prints for me.  I wasn't too sure about that, but he promised they'd be tasteful and that I'd love them.

Hunger forced us downstairs.  We raided the fridge and made a huge fry up for lunch, then we went into town to look around the shops.  Spyder held my hand the whole time.  We popped into my shop to see how Kelly was doing.  She said everything was under control and she practically shoved us out of the door!

We spent Saturday evening eating takeaway pizza and watching Hammer Horror movies.  I was pleased to learn Spyder was a big fan of them too.  It was amazing, in some ways we were so different but in others we were totally the same.  I fell asleep before the end of the second movie.  Spyder woke up me when it finished and we went up to bed.  I loved sharing my bed with him, and I loved waking up with him in the morning.

We slept in late Sunday morning.  We were just cuddling in bed when I heard a car pull up on the driveway.  My parents were back early!  We jumped out of bed and got dressed so fast.  Spyder grabbed his bag and I tried to sneak him down the stairs but mum caught us.  It was red faces all round!  I introduced mum to Spyder, only I used his real name, Dean,  and she asked if he'd like to stay for Sunday lunch.  I think she was keen to find out more about him 'cos she wouldn't take no for an answer.  Spyder left his bag in the hall and I made everyone coffee, then my dad walked in and Spyder was all like total hero worship!

I think I showed him up when I told dad that he'd studied him at uni.  Dad was rather proud about that and he took Spyder to his studio at the back of the house.   I hardly got a word in over lunch as dad and Spyder talked shop.  I was so pleased they hit it off.  My mum seemed to like him too, well what's not to like?  He's articulate, clever, witty and nothing like Adam!

After pudding I managed to sneak Spyder back up to my bedroom.  I wished he was sleeping with me again tonight but he had to get back.  He said he wanted to edit the pictures he'd taken of me.  It had been such a crazy weekend I'd forgotten all about those!

I kissed him one last time and reluctantly he went home.  I sat in my bedroom hugging his pillow when my mum knocked on the door.  She guessed that he'd stayed over, but she didn't mind.  I think she was just glad I hadn't had a huge party or something!  She said she liked Dean a lot more than Adam and she could tell from the colour of my aura that I was happy with him.  I rolled my eyes at her, daft old hippy!  I gave her a big hug though and told her I loved her. 

24th February

I nearly got into so much trouble today!  I was having my breakfast when the doorbell rang.  It was a packet for me, special delivery.  I had no idea what it was so I took it back to the kitchen table and opened it.  It was Spyder's photographs of me!  They were totally awesome!  I mean beyond words!  I have never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life!  I actually forgot they were of me until I saw one shot with my tattoo on it.  All the prints were in black and white, but on this one Spyder had picked out the red on the roses so subtly.  It was perfect!

The phone started ringing.  Mum asked me to get it so I put the photographs down on the kitchen table and picked up the phone in the hallway.  It was one of those foreign telesales calls from India so I just hung up.  When I went back into the kitchen I nearly died when I saw my dad looking through the photos!!!

He looked at me and asked me who took them.  I had to tell him it was Spyder.  Then he asked if they were all pictures of me.  The shots were all of my body, you couldn't see my face but the shot of the tattoo gave me away.  I nodded and said yes, they were all of me.  Dad finished his coffee and told me to invite Spyder over tonight because he wanted to talk to him about them.  He walked past me into the hall, picked up his jacket and car keys and went out the front door.  I couldn't tell if he was happy or angry or what?

I called Spyder to let him know I'd got his pictures.  He was so pleased that I liked them but he was very nervous about talking to my dad about them.  It turned out all right in the end though.  Spyder didn't know this but my dad can be a bit of a wind up merchant and boy did he wind him up!  

When Spyder came over dad looked him in the eye and asked him if he'd been taking naked pictures of his daughter.  Spyder went nearly as pale as me!  He very quietly said, 'Yes, sir' and I think he nearly wet himself when my dad burst out laughing.  Dad said they were some of the best photographs he'd seen in a long time and he told Spyder he had a good eye for composition and a very wise choice of subject.  That made me blush!

Dad and Spyder spent the next hour talking.  Dad told him about a friend of his who had a gallery in Bradford.  He wondered if Spyder would like to show some of his work there.  I thought Spyder was going to cry!  He shook my dad's hand and said he'd love to.  I was so pleased until I realised that he meant to use the naked photographs of me! 

I tried to tell Spyder he couldn't use those, they were just supposed to be for us, but Spyder pleaded with me, telling me I had a beautiful body and I should be proud of it, then he looked up and saw the expression on my dad's face.  It was rather awkward!  It must have been hard for dad looking at the pictures Spyder had taken, knowing that the naked woman was his little girl. 

Dad said he wouldn't ask about the circumstances in which the pictures were taken.  I think my cheeks went as red as my hair!  He carried on about consenting adults and all that, but he said the photograph really were very good so I agreed to let Spyder show them.

Spyder took me down the pub to celebrate.  I'd never seen him quite so happy or animated.  He was so shy and quiet most of the time, but tonight he was so alive.  Spyder took me to The Ferret but I knew it was a bad idea the moment I saw Adam was working tonight.

Spyder walked up to the bar but Adam shook his head and walked away.  Spyder was very polite and said, 'Excuse me, 2 pints of lager please.'  Adam said 'We don't serve your type in here!'  I took Spyder's hand and said we could get a drink somewhere else but Spyder wouldn't let it go.  He asked Adam what he meant. 

I'm not even going to write what Adam said, but he called Spyder a lot of really bad names.  I never knew he was so racist!  Spyder just stood there and took it, I was really proud of him, then I realised he could see something Adam couldn't - the landlord standing right behind him!  The landlord's reaction wasn't pretty.  Adam got fired and we got free drinks.

That kind of killed the mood a little.  I apologised for Adam's behaviour.  I couldn't believe he said those things to him but Spyder said he'd heard it all before at school.  Kids can be so cruel! 

Spyder said he'd been bullied a lot because of his parents.  His mum was white, Leeds born and bred but his dad was black, from Jamaica.  He never fitted in with the popular crowd, he wasn't really good at sports, he liked different music, he just wasn't like the other kids.  When he was 14 he had an art teacher who encouraged him to explore his talents and embrace who he was.  He said he dreaded his hair and started taking photographs, and that gave him the confidence to stand up to the bullies. 

He said he realised then how lucky he was, he had the best of both worlds.  Rice and peas AND chips and gravy.  That made me laugh so much!  I gave him a big hug and said I didn't care what colour he was.  I told him he was a beautiful person inside and out, and I loved him very much, even if he did take mucky pictures of me!

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