June and July

2nd June

I nearly fell out with Spyder today.  We've had our differences sometimes but I've never had a proper fight with him before.  It was so stupid and by that I mean I was so stupid! 

I went round to see him after work.  I'd not seen him since Simon called about the wedding.  Spyder had been busy working at the university, taking photographs for a music festival they were having.  Anyway, we were all cuddled up in his bedroom and I mentioned Simon's wedding.  Spyder had been just as shocked as I was when Simon told him.  He wondered if Angel was pregnant too, I was glad I wasn't the only one who thought that!  Then Spyder said Simon must be out of his mind to get married so young.  I said I thought it was perfectly romantic but Spyder said he couldn't see the point.  I asked him what he meant by that and he said he didn't know what all the fuss was about.

I was a bit shocked my his attitude.  He went on to say that most of the married people he knew had got divorced.  His parents never married and they were the only ones still together.  I said not every marriage ends in divorce, my parents were still happily married.  He just said they were in the minority.  I never knew he was so against marriage!

It was stupid of me to ask but I had to know.  I asked him if he thought he'd ever get married and he just said no, probably not.  I know it was stupid but I kind of took that personally.  We've only been together for a few months but I kind of got the feeling that Spyder was "THE ONE".  Me and him fitted so well together and I could see us doing the whole wedding, kids, growing old together thing, and now here he was telling me he never wanted to get married!

I was even more stupid when I pushed him further and asked him would he never get married even if the right girl came along?  He didn't see the tears in my eyes when he answered.  He said no, you don't have to get married to be with someone.  As soon as he said that I pushed him away, then he realised how upset I was. 

He tried to say sorry but I was too upset to listen to him.  I grabbed my bag and stormed out the house and down the street.  Spyder came running after me.  He grabbed my hand and jumped in front of me saying he didn't mean it like that.  I wiped my eyes and saw how distraught he was.  He begged me to go back inside so he could explain.  His pretty brown eyes were so sad.  I am such a sucker for him.  I held out my hand and we walked back to the house. 

We talked for ages.  Spyder explained how much he loved me, how he enjoyed sharing his life with me right now and how he didn't want to spoil what we had.  He'd seen too many people rush into marriage only to break up after a few years.  He'd watched those people become bitter and jaded, and he never wanted to get like that.  He explained how it's love that keeps people together and his parents did just fine without a ring and a piece of paper.  He said those things don't really matter.

I asked if he thought he'd ever change his mind.  He said he didn't know.  Maybe when he's older or has kids or something he might want to.  I sighed then he said maybe someone like me could manage to change his mind.  I laughed and went bright red.  Spyder brushed my hair aside and kissed me.  He said I'd never know how much he loved me.  I said perhaps he could show me and he rose to the challenge - quite literally!  Hehehe!

As we laid in bed, naked and all cuddled up I realised how stupid I'd been.  What me and Spyder had was good, really good.  He was right, we didn't need a piece of paper and a ring to prove how much we loved each other.  We did that by being with each other, by holding hands, by sharing cuddles and by having the most amazing sex ever! :D

30th June

Me and Spyder took the train up to Scotland today.  Simon phoned me last night to make sure I'd got the schedule he'd emailed me.  He sounded so nervous.  He'd planned every little detail and left nothing to chance.  I told him it would all be fine, he still sounded a bit shaky though.

Spyder and I picked up our train tickets at the station.  Simon had been very insistent on which train to catch.  Him and Angel would be going up early and he didn't want us on the same train, which I thought was a bit odd, but then Simon could be like that sometimes.

The train journey was a bit boring and the tea from the buffet car was rank.  I couldn't wait until we got to Gretna Green.  Simon had booked us into a guest house in town.  It was clean and modern with a king sized bed and en suite bathroom with corner bath.  I explored the room while Spyder unpacked his suit, hanging it up so the creases would fall out.  I'd never seen him in a suit before and I couldn't wait for tomorrow.

Simon had booked us a table at a restaurant down the road.  He said we could have whatever we wanted, he'd pick up the bill, so we made the most of it!  Starters, mains and pudding, all washed down with a bottle of wine and Irish coffee.  I was so full I could barely move!  We took a slow walk back to the guesthouse.  I wondered how Angel and Simon were feeling.  It was going to be such a big day for them tomorrow.  I hope the weather stays fine.  I'd better get to bed now.  Spyder is already snoring next to me but I'm too excited to sleep!

1st July

ANGEL AND SIMON GOT MARRIED!

I still can't believe it!  They actually got married, legally and everything!  It was a wonderful day.  Spyder woke up early and horny!  I love waking up with him and I can't say no when he cuddles up to me like that.  He is way too good at turning me on!  We made love and then I had a bath and we went down to the dining room for a slap up breakfast.  I had a huge appetite, travelling always makes me hungry!

Back in the room I did my hair and makeup while Spyder got dressed in his suit and tie and checked his camera equipment.  Simon phoned up to make sure we were ready and everything.  I had butterflies in my stomach, I dreaded to think how Angel was feeling!

The sun was out and Spyder and I walked up to the hotel where Angel and Simon were staying.  I held Spyder's hand tight.  He didn't look half bad in a suit.  He'd tamed his dreads, putting them in a neat braid and he'd put on a white shirt and purple tie.  He didn't scrub up bad at all.  I'd put on my 50's style dress, it was black with an oversized red rose print and had a cute little underskirt that make it kick out. 

We met Simon outside the hotel.  He'd just been to pick up Angel's bouquet, long stem roses tied with a white ribbon.  They were beautiful!  Simon looked pretty hot in his suit.  He always dressed well but I'd never seen him looking so smart before.

Me and Spyder waited in the lobby while Simon went up to fetch Angel.  She was so surprised to see us when she came down the stairs.  She asked what we were going there.  Spyder said we were going to be witnesses for them and I handed her the bouquet.  She looked amazing in a knee length black silk dress.  She'd dyed her hair purple again, which made me smile.  It really suited her.

Angel's cheeks were flushed and she seemed a little anxious but excited too.  Then she told us that Simon only asked her to marry him last night!  I thought she already knew about it all!  I told her I would have died if someone had done that to me!  Angel blushed again and glanced up at Simon.  It didn't take a genius to tell that they were so in love.

I held Spyder's hand as we walked up to the Old  Blacksmiths Shop.  The sun was shining, it was just so perfect!  I almost wished it was me getting married, but I didn't say anything, not after the trouble I caused the last time I mentioned marriage.

I got a bit tearful as Simon and Angel said their vows.  Spyder had to lend me his hanky because I'd forgotten to bring any tissues with me.  He shook his head when he noticed I'd got mascara on it, I mouthed sorry at him and he put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.  He knows I can be a right soppy cow sometimes.

The service was over so quickly.  Simon and Angel exchanged rings, we all signed the register and we stepped out into the sunshine with Mr. and Mrs. Simon Wetherall.  Angel looked radiant!  We went back to the hotel gardens and Spyder took a load of photographs.  He even set up the timer so we had a picture of all four of us together. 

After the photographs we went into the hotel restaurant for lunch.  The food was fantastic and Simon ordered champagne and everything.  It seemed a bit weird, all four of us dressed up to the nines in a posh hotel.  We were so different from the other people in the restaurant but we didn't care.  It was brilliant!  The champagne went right to my head and I could see Simon and Angel getting all soppy so I  said to Spyder we'd better let the newlyweds consummate their union.

We went back to the guest house and I crashed on the bed.  I said to Spyder didn't he think that was so romantic?  He smiled and told me not to go getting any ideas!  Then he laughed and crashed on the bed next to me.  I giggled and asked if he realised how sexy he looked in his suit.  He loosened his tie and gave me that really cheeky smile he gives me when he wants to have sex, so we spent the rest of the afternoon doing some consummating of our own.

Spyder is in the bath right now and I'm supposed to be packing.  We're going out for dinner again tonight and we have to catch the first train home tomorrow.  I want to get back before Kelly shuts the shop.  I'd left her in charge again.  I think she wants me to give her a Saturday job there.  I guess it would be nice to have Saturdays off, and Ben did the same with me.  I'll have to think about it...

8th July

I am in shock.  Complete and utter shock.

I came down to breakfast this morning and mum was reading the local paper when she went very pale.  I asked her what was up and she showed me the page she'd been reading.  The headline said 'TWO KILLED IN CRASH' and there was a picture of a car wrapped around a lamp post on the bypass.  It looked really nasty.  I passed the paper back to my mum but she shook her head and told me to read the whole story.  I skim read the details, white Peugeot 106, early hours of Tuesday morning, driver and passenger pronounced dead at the scene, Josh Wilkins aged 19 and Adam Taylor aged 20.  Adam, my ex boyfriend, was dead.

I felt sick.  I put the paper down, I ran up to my bedroom and burst into floods of tears.  Mum followed me up and she tapped on the door.  She'd brought me a cup of tea, that was the answer to all life's problems according to her.  I was just like OH MY GOD!  I couldn't believe it!  Adam was dead!

Mum put her arm around me and tried to calm me down.  She told me the article said they'd been drinking at a party, Josh had been driving and no other cars were involved.  I was just numb.  It only made it worse when I realised if I hadn't have dumped him I probably would have been in that car with them!  Mum held me as I just cried and cried and cried. 

I don't know why I got so upset.  Adam was a bastard, a complete waste of space.  He treated me badly, he physically hurt me and racially abused Spyder, but dead at 20?  No-one deserved that.  I suppose he had it coming to him though.  After he'd lost his job at The Ferret I'd seen him around town a few times and he was always completely shitfaced. 

For a moment I felt guilty for dumping him.  He'd got so much worse after we broke up but I told myself that I wasn't to blame.  Adam was a grown man and he was fully capable of making his own decisions, like getting into a car with Josh when he was pissed.

I drank my tea but I was still shaking so mum went to her sanctuary and got some of her homeopathy remedies for me.  By the time I'd calmed down it was gone 9 o'clock.  I was late opening up the shop but I didn't feel up to working today.  Mum said I should give myself time to grieve and basically gave me permission to have the day off.

I still couldn't believe that Adam was dead.  I took a long hot shower and made myself another cup of tea but I didn't know what do to with myself.  Then I thought about Billy.  He'd just lost his two housemates and he must be devastated so I decided to go around and see him.  He was a bit surprised to see me but he was glad I came.  He said Adam's parents were coming over at the weekend to clear his room so if there was anything of mine still in there I'd better take it now while I had the chance.

I hadn't been in Adams room for months but nothing had changed, well, maybe it had got a bit worse.  It smelled worse than I remembered.  The ashtray was overflowing, there were empty beer cans and JD bottles on the floor and I didn't dare open the pizza box on the chest of drawers.  I felt sorry for Adam's parents to have to come and clear this lot out.

I remembered what Billy had said and I looked to see if I'd left anything behind.  I found a pair of my earrings in a drawer, a pair of big silver hoops.  I thought I'd lost them ages ago but I must have taken them one out time when I fucked Adam.  The bed was unmade, the sheets were stained and there was a pile of dirty clothes on the floor.  I kicked at it with my shoe, half expecting something to come running out, but nothing did.  I found a purple thong, but it wasn't mine.  Adam must have had another girlfriend after me, or at least pulled someone willing to fuck him. 

I opened the wardrobe and was a bit shocked to see four pictures of me and him stuck to the inside of the door.  I got a bit choked up that he'd kept them.  I know Adam had his faults but he had his good moments too.  One of the pictures was taken at The Ferret, the day I dyed my hair bright red.  He looked so happy.  I took the picture down and looked at it.  I had such mixed emotions.  I had loved him, I'd hated him, I'd pitied him, but now I was sad he was gone because he never had the chance to put things right.

I put the photo in my bag.  I'm not sure why, I just did.  I went back downstairs and gave Billy a hug.  I asked if he was going to be all right on his own.  He said the landlord was on about selling the house so he was going to stay with some friends.  He asked if I'd be going to the funeral.  He said it was on Wednesday at the Crematorium.  I said I'd think about it.

I went home and sat in my room, just thinking about Adam and stuff.  I was cross at how stupid he'd been but I was glad I dumped him.  Spyder phoned me.  He had popped down to the shop but found it closed and he wanted to know if I was all right.  I asked him to come over.  I didn't say why, I didn't want to talk about it on the phone.  He knew there was something wrong the minute he saw my makeup was smudged.  I'm a slave to my eyeliner and mascara.  I told him Adam was dead and I burst into tears again.

Spyder hugged me until I stopped crying.  He hated seeing me upset but he struggled to understand why I was crying over Adam.  I didn't exactly understand it myself.  He'd been awful to me and so vicious to Spyder the night be got sacked from The Ferret and I hated him for that.  It was all so confusing.  The only way I could explain was by showing Spyder the photograph.  I showed him how happy Adam looked and I told him he could be nice sometimes, but Spyder never saw that side of him.  They didn't exactly get off on the right foot and Spyder said this world is better off without him.

I know he didn't mean it in a nasty way, but I lost my temper at him.  I ranted and screamed at him, saying how he didn't know Adam like I did and how could he say something like that about another human being.  Spyder said he was a monster and I screamed, 'I know, he wanted me to kill my baby!'  Spyder just stared at me with his mouth open.  I hadn't told him about that.

I told Spyder to sit down and I told him everything about me and Adam, how we hardly ever used contraception, how Simon bought me the morning after pill after the first time I fucked him and how one month I was really late and thought I might be pregnant, but I wasn't.  I told him how Adam said he wanted me to get rid of it if I was pregnant.  It didn't help raise Spyder's opinion of him.  He said that Adam was an idiot for letting that happen.  I asked Spyder if that made him an idiot too.  He gave me the weirdest look.  I explained how I nearly got pregnant because the condom broke and I reminded him that that had happened to us too.  Spyder had to concede that accidents do happen sometimes.

We stopped shouting at each other and Spyder held me tight.  He said he was glad I was on the pill now so we couldn't have an accident like that again.  Then he must have felt a bit paranoid he asked me if I remembered to take it every day.  I said of course I did, I even set a reminder on my phone.  He was relieved at that!

Spyder asked me if I would have had an abortion if Adam had have got me pregnant.  I had to be honest with him and say yes, I probably would have.  I was only 18, I had the shop to run and Adam wasn't exactly a good role model for a kid to have.  Then Spyder asked me what would I have done if he had got me pregnant.  Without even thinking I said, 'Oh, I would have kept your baby.'  Spyder seemed a little surprised.  He asked why, and I told him, 'You're not Adam'.  Spyder gave me a funny sort of smile.  He seemed a little confused but I think he took it as a compliment and he told me not to get any ideas!  LOL!  The truth is, I'd love to have Spyder's baby, but not right now.  I'm enjoying my life as it is, working at the shop, going to parties and gigs.  I don't want a baby, not just yet.

I sort of changed the subject and said I forgot to ask Angel if she was pregnant, what with her and Simon getting married so quickly.  Spyder said no, she definitely wasn't.  I asked how he knew and he said it was obvious, she had 3 glasses of champagne after the wedding.  There was no way Simon would have let her drink that much if she was expecting.  Spyder was so clever noticing things like that.  I guess it's his eye for detail that makes him such a good photographer.

We sat and talked for a bit, but at tea time he had to go.  He was working again tonight so I kissed him goodbye and he said he'd call me tomorrow.

I didn't feel like eating much at tea.  Mum asked me how I was feeling now.  I told her I'd been round to see Billy and he said the funeral was on Wednesday but I'd decided not to go.  I didn't want to lose another day's business at the shop and I'd already said goodbye to Adam when I dumped him.  Mum seemed to understand.  She said if I ever needed to talk, she was there for me.  I gave her a big hug. 

I've been sat looking at the photograph of me and Adam for the past hour, but I haven't cried anymore.  That was all in the past, Adam was never going to change and I was better off without him.  I'm going to put the photo in my treasure box.  I can't change my past but I'm very glad I made the break and met Spyder, I love him so much! <3

RIP Adam.

March, April and May

17th March

Just got back from seeing Unknown Pleasures in Barnsfield.  God, that band are awesome!  I drove down with Spyder and met up with Simon and the others at the pub.  It's so much fun when we all get together!  Oh yeah, NEWSFLASH!  Simon was with a GIRL!  I think everyone was as surprised as I was when we walked in and saw them standing there at the bar.  I wasn't the only one who thought he might be a closet gay but no, he actually has a GIRLFRIEND!  Her name is Angel and she is really pretty.  She seemed a bit shy, she said it was the first time she'd been to a gig but she looked like she really enjoyed the band.  Well, what's not to like about Unknown Pleasures?  They RAWK!

I am loving my life so much at the moment.  Working at the shop is great and things with Spyder are wonderful!  He's so different  to my other boyfriends, he doesn't just want to get drunk and fuck all the time, although we do have a lot of sex, but that's different too.

My parents have been really cool about him.  They let me sleep over at his house and they even let him stay over in my room, although that is kind of weird, sleeping with Spyder when they are in the house.

I'm on my own tonight though,  I've got to get up early to open up the shop tomorrow and Spyder has to get his pictures ready for the gallery.  Yeah, my dad sorted everything and come Monday his photographs of me will be on sale at the Ashley Gallery in Bradford.  It's kind of scary, so many people will be looking at me naked, but I'm so proud of Spyder, it's a dream come true for him.  Anyway, it's gone 1 o'clock so I'd best get  my beauty sleep.  Night night!

1st April

Yesterday was so brilliant!  We went to see Unknown Pleasures play at The Swan and they were awesome as usual.  Spyder told me that Simon and Angel were crashing at his place but I'd totally forgotten about it until they came in my shop. 

It was good to see Simon looking so happy.  He'd brought Angel in to get her some new clothes.  She looked so shy and nervous but I sorted her out with a dress, boots and accessories.  She looked amazing!  There was something that didn't quite fit though.  Her mousy brown hair just didn't go.  Me and Simon both had the same idea.  Purple!  She would look gorgeous with purple hair! I packed everything up and said I'd go around to Spyder's and dye her hair before the gig.  She looked apprehensive but I knew she'd look fantastic and I told her the dye would wash out.  Simon was so wrapped up in her so I said I'd do my best to make her look gorgeous.

I went around to Spyder's after work with my makeup box.  I took Angel up to the bathroom and started to dye her hair.  She's really nice.  We chatted while the dye took.  Angel told me how she met Simon.  He kissed her outside the head teacher's office at school and then he ran off with her back to his house!  He certainly knows how to sweep a girl off her feet! 

Angel's face was a picture when we rinsed the dye off.  It was bright purple and looked amazing.  She dried and straightened her hair while I got ready and then I helped her with her makeup.  She looked cracking.  Simon and Spyder cheered when she came down the stairs.  She was like a different person, so full of confidence, not like the shy school girl who walked into my shop this afternoon.

We got the bus into town but arrived a bit early for the gig so we went for a drink in the pub around the corner.  As we walked past the venue we bumped into Miles from Unknown Pleasures.  I was gobsmacked when Miles said hello to Angel!  She'd met him at the gig in Barnsfield, but she didn't know he was in the band until he came out on stage. 

I teased her about it at the pub.  I also told her to watch out for Cassandra.  She'd had a go at me for just saying hello to Miles!  My warning came a little too late though.  Simon and Spyder went off to dance at the gig leaving me and Angel at the bar, when Cassandra came over and had a right go at her.  She'd seen Miles talking to her earlier and she warned her off him.   Angel was really shook up, but Simon came back and she snogged him right in front of Cassandra, just to prove she wasn't interested in stealing her boyfriend. 

The gig didn't finish until late so we got a cab back to the house.  The party had already started.  I was quite surprised to see Miles there.  I was a little less shy of talking to him this time but I made sure I was with Spyder at the time.  I saw him talking to Angel on the stairs.  If I didn't know better I'd say he had a crush on her.  I don't blame him one little bit, Angel look stunning in her new clothes, purple hair and makeup, but I could tell she was totally in love with Simon.

It was gone four in the morning by the time me and Spyder got to bed.  I was knackered and we just fell asleep holding each other.  I was woken up the next morning by the sound of screams coming from the bathroom.  It must have been Angel because I heard Simon call her name.  She'd tried to wash the dye out of her hair but it didn't work and it was still really bright purple.  I felt so guilty 'cos I'd told her it would wash out.  It was still very purple when her and Simon left to get the train home.  I hope she got it sorted out in time for School on Monday.  I never meant to get her into trouble, she's really nice.  I can see me and her becoming good friends.

1st May

I think I'm going to change my name to Lora Queen-of-fuck-ups Johnson.  I can't be trusted with anything and I am so mad at myself.  A couple of weeks ago I stayed over at Spyders.  We'd got a bit drunk and ended up in bed.  I grabbed a condom from my bag but it was one of those cheap nasty ones from the machine at the pub, and guess what?  It broke.  Spyder was a bit cross about it, I don't think it had ever happened to him before.  I told him not to worry and I'd sort it.

The next day was pretty shit.  I was hung over, I was late opening the shop, the delivery came but everything on it was wrong.  It was just one of those days where nothing goes right.  I was going to get the morning after pill at lunch time but I completely forgot.  Yeah, I know I'm an idiot!  I got home from work tonight and realised my period is two days late.  I don't know what to do!  I can't tell Spyder, I promised him I'd sort it and I didn't.  I know I'll have to do a pregnancy test, I still have two from the last time but I can't remember where I put them.  I'm going to have to turn my room upside down and hope they turn up so I can do a test in the morning.  I am so scared, I love Spyder but I don't want to be pregnant right now.

2nd May

Good news, I'm not pregnant!  I found the pregnancy tests, I'd hidden them at the bottom of my sock drawer.  Yeah, go figure!  I got up really early and did the test and it came up negative, thank fuck for that!  I hadn't slept a wink all night so I went back to bed.  I must have forgotten to set my alarm because my mum woke me up at half past eight asking if I was sick or something.  I was late for work!  I went out to find I'd got a flat tyre on my car so I had to get the bus in, which made me even more late, then I accidentally short changed my first customer.  I was so embarrassed, I just wanted to go home and crawl back into bed.

I stuck it out until four o'clock but I was knackered and in such a bad mood I closed up the shop and went home.  I got back to find mum sat in the kitchen with a worried look on her face.  She said she wanted a word with me.  I sat down and mum asked me if I was pregnant.  My jaw nearly hit the table!  I said no way!  Then mum put the pregnancy test box on the table.  she said she found it in the bathroom this morning.  Shit!  I meant to put it in the wheelie bin outside but I must have forgotten.  This day was just getting worse! 

I couldn't help it, I burst into tears and my mum came and gave me a hug.  When I'd calmed down a bit we talked about things.  She asked me if I was trying to get pregnant and I said no.  I explained how the condom broke and I was going to get the morning after pill but I forgot.  She was glad I didn't take it, she didn't like hormonal contraception because it messed up the body's natural balance.   I didn't tell her I'd taken it before and been fine, more or less.

Mum gave me a lecture about alternative and natural methods of contraception, but I didn't want to take my chances with that.  I had a hard enough time remembering when my period was due never mind charting dates and everything.  We talked about Spyder and how I felt about him.  I told mum he was really special and that I loved him very much.  She said she could tell. 

She asked if Spyder knew about the pregnancy test and I said no.  She said maybe I should tell him.  If we wanted a sexual relationship but not children then we'd need to figure out something better than condoms.  I was surprised when she suggested that the pill might be an option for me.  I knew how she felt about it but she also knew me and her were different and she just wanted what was best for me.

I thought about what she said and she was right, I had to tell Spyder about it.  I went to the loo and guess what?  My period had started!  Bloody typical!  I came out of the bathroom to find Spyder standing in the hallway.  He'd gone around to the shop but it was closed and he was worried about me.  He'd tried to call but my phone had gone flat.  I just stood there and burst into tears again. 

Spyder must have through I'd gone crazy!  He gave me a hug and asked what was wrong.  I took him up to my bedroom and told him everything.  He just held me while I poured my heart out.  He was a bit shocked that I could have been pregnant but he was pleased I'd been honest with him.  Not once did he say I was stupid or silly or anything.  He agreed with my mum that it might be best if I went on the pill, he even said he'd go to the clinic with me.  He was just brilliant!  I felt a right idiot for messing up and getting so upset but Spyder said it was OK.  I think he's used to me being a bit flaky by now.  In some ways we are complete opposites, but they say opposites attract, and boy am I attracted him!  LORA N SPYDER 4 EVA!

14th May

It's me and Spyder's three month anniversary today!  I can't believe we've been together three months.  I feel like we've always been together.  Things are so good.  We've been more honest with each other since my pregnancy scare and we're getting really serious about each other.  We see each other almost every day and I almost spend more time at his place than I do at home.  I kind of hinted about moving in with him, but he wouldn't commit to anything.  He's really not big on commitment, even though he says he loves me.  He said he couldn't see himself being with anyone else but me.  How sweet is that? 

Spyder is a very private person and it's hard to tell what he's thinking sometimes, but he's good at showing his love for me!  Hehehe!  We went to the clinic together to get some advice on contraception.  Spyder said he'd be happy with whatever I wanted to do.  He said there's no way he wanted to have kids any time soon.  He's 22 so I can understand that. 

It made me think though.  I don't want to have a baby right now, but maybe in a few years time it would be good.  I'd love to have a baby with Spyder one day.  I think he'd make a really good dad.  He's calm, patient and so loving, and a million times better than Adam!   It actually made me feel ill when I realised that I could be 5 months pregnant with his baby right now.  What the fuck did I think I was doing with him?  At least I figured out the error of my ways and dumped him. 

I'm so lucky to have Spyder.  Everything is better when he's around.  I'm happy at home, I'm happy at work and I'm very happy in bed with him :)  Anyway, mum and dad are going out tonight so I've invited Spyder over and I'm going to cook for him, well, frozen lasagne and garlic bread.  I think even I can manage to get that right!

15th May

Spyder is full of surprises!  Last night we did more than celebrate our three month anniversary.  Spyder turned up with a bottle of champagne!  I asked what it was for and he said he got the cheque from the gallery this morning.  My very clever boyfriend has sold all the photographs he took of me!  I don't think I've ever seen him so happy!  Well not with his clothes on anyway...

We had another thing to celebrate too.  I didn't burn the dinner!  It was a really great night.  Good food, good wine and champagne.  I could get used to that.  I think it must have been the bubbles but it went straight to my head.  Spyder was in a naughty mood so we quickly cleared the table and he chased me up to the bedroom.  He said I was his lucky charm and he wouldn't have had his big break if it wasn't for my beautiful body.  He was all too keen to show me how beautiful it was as he slowly peeled my clothes off and kissed me, EVERYWHERE!

There was no time for photographs, just kissing and cuddling and sex, twice!  I fell asleep all cuddled up to Spyder.  He was supposed to be going home but he fell asleep too and the next thing I know it's half seven in the morning and my alarm is going off!

My mum was a bit surprised to see Spyder at the breakfast table.  I explained we'd fallen asleep listening to music last night, but she'd seen the empty bottles in the recycling and figured out what really happened.  She wasn't mad but she did have a word with me later about letting her know when Spyder was staying over.  Mum has a habit of walking around the house naked first thing in the morning so I agreed to leaving a note on the fridge when Spyder was here, just to avoid any embarrassment.

Mum had one of those misty eyed moments.  She was wittering on about how I was growing up too fast and soon she'd have an empty nest.  She said she could see me and Spyder setting up on our own in the not too distant future.  I didn't tell her I'd already hinted at Spyder about moving in but he always changed the subject.  I think he is afraid I'll bring chaos to his obsessively tidy room.  He's probably right!  Perhaps if I tried to keep my room tidy he won't think I'd be impossible to live with?  It would be hard, but it would be worth it to wake up with Spyder every morning.

30th May

I got the shock of my life tonight.  I still can't quite believe it.  I'd just got in from work when Simon phoned me.  I hadn't seen him in ages, he's not been out much because Angel is doing her exams.  He asked me if I was busy on 1st July.  I said I'd got nothing in my diary and I asked why.  Simon said he'd like to invite me and Spyder up to Scotland.  I asked if it was for a gig or something and he said no, it was for his wedding.  I was like WTF???  I asked who he was marrying and he said Angel of course and he laughed at me.  Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot!

Simon told me he'd made all the arrangements, he'd booked the chapel and the hotel and he wondered if me and Spyder would like to be witnesses.  I said I'd have to speak with Spyder first but Simon said he'd just phoned him and he already said yes.  Simon had asked him to take some photographs, he knew Spyder was good because he'd seen his gig photos and the exhibition at the gallery in Bradford.  I blushed and wondered if Simon realised those pictures were of me?

Simon carried on telling me about the arrangements.  He said he'd pay for our train tickets, guest house and everything  so we wouldn't have to worry about the expense.  I was speechless!  He had every little detail covered.  Of course I said yes, I'd be honoured to be their witness.  Simon sounded so pleased but he asked me not to say anything to Angel because it was going to be a surprise.

I couldn't believe it!  Angel and Simon were getting married!  They are so young,  Angel is 16 and Simon is 17.  I guess that's why they're going to Scotland.  I shouldn't really have been surprised, they were totally made for each other.  Simon worships the ground she walks on and I can tell by the way Angel looks at him that they have something special going on.  But getting married?  Wow!  Then I wondered if it was a shotgun wedding.  They hadn't been together that long and Simon was always very proper and correct about things.  Whatever the reason, it was all so perfectly romantic.

I phoned Spyder up straight away and he said that Simon had called and he'd agreed to do the photographs.  He said he couldn't say no when Simon offered him a grand to do it.  A thousand pounds just to take a few photographs!  I said Simon must have more money than sense, but Spyder got a bit cross at me for that.  He said it was about the going rate and that price included all the prints, his time and everything. 

Spyder told me how much some of his camera equipment cost.  I was shocked, but it made me realise why he was so precious about it all now.  It was his career though and he was bloody good at it.  That made me think about my career.  Ben would want his shop back when he came home from his travels.  I wondered if he would keep me on but the shop didn't really do enough trade to support both of us.  I didn't really want to think about that right now though, life was good and my friends were getting married :D

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February

12th February

It's been a while since I wrote anything, but today I really have something to write about.  I met someone!  His name is Dean but everyone calls him Spyder 'cos he's got this weird crop of skinny dreads on the top of his head.  He is my knight in shining armour!  Well, black army coat and aviator shades!   I wasn't exactly looking for a new boyfriend but I guess these things happen when you least expect them to.

Unknown Pleasures were supporting a band at the uni so I met up with Simon and everyone and went to the gig.  I told Simon about me and Adam splitting up, he said that was a very wise decision.  That made me smile.  Simon can be a bit weird sometimes, I wondered if he was trying to hit on me but he wasn't.  I've never seen him with a girl.  Maybe he's gay?  Whatever, he's a good friend and I love him to bits no matter how weird he is.

Anyway, after the gig we went to a party at Spyder's house.  Simon had met Spyder on the forum and he said he could crash there after the gig.  Simon introduced me to Spyder and we got talking.  I found out he's a photographer.  He works freelance, taking gig pictures for magazines while he's building a portfolio.  He said he'd love to put on his own exhibition one day.   Spyder was really interesting, and kind of cute in his own way.  I liked him.  It was nice to talk to a guy without him trying it on with me. 

The party was really busy, I nearly died when Dev and Paul from Unknown Pleasures, walked in, followed by Jamie and Miles!  Unknown Pleasures had come to the party!!!  I couldn't believe it!  Spyder introduced me to Miles and I got all tongue tied.  Miles asked if I'd enjoyed the show and I just blushed and giggled.  I went into the kitchen to get a beer but Miles's girlfriend Cassandra pinned me up against the fridge and warned me off him!  She is one paranoid bitch!  I'd hardly said two words to the guy!

I grabbed a can of lager and was on my way back to the living room when Adam and Josh walked in.  I could tell just by the way Adam was standing that he was pissed.  I tried to duck back into the kitchen but he'd already seen me.  He called my name and threw his arms around my neck and tried to kiss me.  I struggled against him but he was too strong, so I raised my knee and got him right in the bollocks.  He let go and doubled up in agony.

I smiled and turned to walk away but he reached out and grabbed my hair.  I screamed and everyone turned around to look.  I shouted at Adam to let me go but he laughed and said, 'No-one walks away from me, baby!'  I yelled at him but he grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the door.  I was so scared!

I heard a voice behind me say, 'Let her go!'  I looked up and saw Spyder standing there, looking all serious.  Adam just laughed.  'Are you going to make me?' he said, almost laughing.  Spyder punched him square on the jaw so hard that he stumbled back into Josh and they both fell on the floor.  Adam was livid.  He got up, clutching his face and I thought he was going to hit Spyder but Miles, Simon and the others all stepped up around him.  Josh pulled Adam back saying, 'The bitch isn't worth it!' and they left.

I was completely gobsmacked!  I turned to face Spyder and said, ' I can't believe you did that!'  Spyder said, 'Me neither!' and we both burst out laughing.  I noticed Spyder was rubbing his right hand.  I asked him if it hurt, he said no.  I gave him my 'I don't believe you' look  then he reluctantly admitted that it did hurt a bit so I took him into the kitchen to get some ice on it.  I thanked him for saving me and he said no problem, no-one deserved to be treated like that.

I explained that Adam was my ex-boyfriend and we sat and talked for what must have been hours.  I looked at the kitchen clock and it was half past four in the morning!  I yawned.  Everyone else had either gone home or fallen asleep.  Spyder asked if I wanted to stay.  It was too late to go home and I was too tired to walk, so I said yes.

I followed Spyder up to his room.  It was so tidy!  I'd never seen a boy's room this neat before.  I smiled at Spyder and started to take my clothes off.  He looked so shocked!  He said, 'No, Lora!  I didn't mean...'  I could have died from embarrassment! 

I asked him if he was gay.  He went bright red and shook his head.  I'll never forget what he said next.  He looked right into my eyes and said, 'Lora, you're special.  I'm not going to take advantage of you.   You deserve better than that.'  I could tell it wasn't just a line, he really meant it.  His brown eyes were so pretty, I went to kiss him but he put his finger to my lips and he whispered in my ear, 'Not yet...'   We curled up on his bed and I fell asleep in my clothes with his arm draped around my shoulder.

I woke up with the biggest smile on my face.  I rolled over and just watched Spyder sleeping.  I'd never met anyone quite like him before.  He yawned and stretched, then he smiled at me.  At that moment I fell in love with him.

He took me out for coffee and bought me a blueberry muffin for breakfast.  He was so sweet.  I could have listened to him talk all day long but I needed a shower and I had to sort some things out at the shop so Spyder walked me all the way home.  He held my hand until we got to my front door, then he went all shy.  I kind of got all nervous too.  We swapped phone numbers and he said he'd call me.

Spyder was about to walk away but I couldn't let him leave just like that so I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards me, then I kissed him.  His lips were so soft!  I was worried I'd gone too far but he touched my face and kissed me back.  It was heaven!  Spyder let me go and he blushed as he walked backwards down the path and mumbled, 'I'll call you'.  I giggled and waved goodbye.

My mum opened the front door, surprised to see me.  She asked where I'd been all night so I told her I'd stayed over at a friend's house after the gig last night and he'd just walked me home.  She raised her eyebrows and I went bright red but thankfully she didn't give me the third degree.  I ran up to my room, crashed on my bed and fell asleep dreaming of the sweetest man I'd ever met.

14th February

I am so in love <3  Completely and totally in love <3 <3 <3  I have just got home from the best date ever!  Spyder called yesterday to ask me out.  He's so cute like that.  It makes a nice change from Adam.  I wish I'd dumped him sooner!  Anyway, I don't want to write about Adam, I want to write about Spyder <3

I've not thought about anyone else since the party.  I really have got it bad!  He turned up at the door at 8 o'clock with a single red rose.  How romantic is that?  He took me back to his house and he cooked me dinner.  Yeah, he can cook too!  Pasta carbonara with a green salad and chocolate mousse for dessert, proper homemade mousse, not from the supermarket!   He had a bottle of wine too.  I couldn't believe the trouble he'd gone to. 

After we'd eaten we went up to his room to listen to music.  We just sat on his bed, talking.  The wine had gone to my head and feeling rather brave I touched Spyder's face and kissed him.  He's got such full, soft lips.  I didn't want to let him go!  He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me back as he gently held me in his arms.  It was beautiful! 

I almost ruined it by pushing it too far.  I ran my hand down Spyder's thigh and pulled him close to my body as I laid back on the bed.  I kissed him hard and moved his body on top of mine but he pulled away.  I wondered what I'd done wrong.  I asked him, 'Don't you want to?'  He sighed and said, 'Of course I do, but I don't want to hurry you...'  I couldn't help but burst out laughing.  Spyder looked hurt, so I explained what happened when I started seeing Adam.  I'd only been talking to him for about half an hour before he shagged me in the store room!  Spyder looked really shocked.  I asked him if he thought I was a slag, he said absolutely not.  He said I was a very trusting person and that he didn't want to hurt me.   I thought that was so sweet! 

We kissed and cuddled until late, then Spyder walked me home.  I asked him in but he said he'd best be getting back.  I kissed him one last time on the doorstep.  He stroked my face, hugged me tight and whispered, 'I love you, Lora' in my ear.  Not many things render me speechless, but that did!  I was so shocked I didn't even say it back!

Spyder turned to walk down the path and said, 'I'll call you!'  When I went inside the house I saw my reflection in the hall mirror.  I had the stupidest grin on my face.  I ran up to my bedroom and texted Spyder, 'I LOVE YOU TOO!!!'  A minute later he replied, 'I'll see you tomorrow :D'  I am so happy right now I could EXPLODE!

15th February

I am on cloud 9 today!  I was in such a daze this morning thinking about Spyder that mum cracked up laughing when I put a big spoon of marmalade in my coffee.  She guessed what was up.  I hadn't shut up about Spyder since the party.  She said I'd have to bring him over so she could meet him.  I suggested this weekend but she said no, Dad was taking her away for the weekend.  They were going to a gallery opening in Manchester on Friday night and having dinner with friends on Saturday so they wouldn't be back until Sunday.  I was a bit disappointed until I realised that I'd have the whole house to myself all weekend!

Not that long ago I would have invited everyone over for a party.  I probably would have got into a shit load of trouble for it too but there was only one person I wanted to spend the weekend with.  SPYDER! <3 <3 <3

I went in to work as usual, it was just another normal day until lunch time.  I was about to nip out for a sandwich when I had four customers at once!  My shop is tiny and four people totally fill the place.  I wasn't complaining though.  Just as the customer left I heard the little bell on my door ring again.  I looked up and there was Spyder!  He smiled and held up a brown paper bag - he'd brought me dinner!  He is so thoughtful!

I dragged a chair through from the back and we sat and ate our dinner together.  We talked all afternoon.  I had a few more customers but it was gone five when I realised what the time was.  As I cashed up I casually asked Spyder if he'd like to come over at the weekend, for the WHOLE weekend.  He said yeah, then he realised what I meant.  His expression was so funny!  All excited and scared at the same time.  He was very polite and asked if we had a spare room.  I said no, but I had a spare pillow on my bed.  He blushed and I made him turn even redder when I reminded him we'd already shared a bed, but I said this time I'd like to go further...

Spyder gave me the cutest smile and said that would be good.  I was so happy!  I threw my arms around him and kissed him, which took him by surprise, but he smiled and kissed me back.  We arranged for him to come over at 7 o'clock on Friday night.  I so can't wait!

19th February

Wow!  What a weekend!  I don't know where to start!  I woke up stupidly early on Friday morning, I think I was too excited to sleep, so I tidied up my room and changed the sheets on my bed.  Mum wondered what I was up to but she's not daft and she figured it out pretty quick.  She didn't ask me outright if Spyder was coming over but she did tell me to have a nice time and to be careful.

It was quiet at work.  I was so full of nervous energy I couldn't sit still so I rearranged the clothes rails and set out the new stock I'd picked up last night.  Kelly came in after school.  She'd agreed to run the shop for me on Saturday so me and Spyder could spend the day together.  I went through everything with her again, but she said she'd be fine!  She spent so much of her time in the shop with me she said it would be nice to get paid to be there!

At five I closed up the shop and ran around to Marks and Spencer's.  They had one of those dine in for £10 offers on so I picked up some nice food and wine.  I also popped in the chemist next door for condoms, just to be prepared.

Traffic was terrible and it was after six when I got back to the house.  I put the oven on for the chips and had a quick shower.  I was just putting my mascara on when the doorbell rang.  Spyder was early!  I ran downstairs and opened the door.   He was looking drop dead gorgeous!  I could have had him on the doorstep!

Spyder had brought me a box of chocolates which was really sweet.  I got myself in a bit of a flap over dinner.  Spyder followed me into the kitchen and gave me a hand with the food.  I was dead embarrassed but he said he didn't mind.  His dad was a chef and he said some of his happiest time were in the kitchen with him, making food.

I'd picked up steak, oven chips and stir fry vegetables with raspberry panna cotta for dessert.   I set the table , opened the random bottled of red wine I'd picked up and Spyder fried the steaks to perfection.  We make a good team! 

We chatted through our meal but Spyder seemed a little distracted.  After dessert I made coffee and asked Spyder what was up.  He pointed at the painting on the kitchen wall.  He asked it if was an Andrew Johnson original.  I laughed and said of course it was!  Spyder's jaw nearly hit the floor.  He jumped out of his seat and went to have a closer look at it.  He was struck dumb for a minute, then he asked how we got it.  I laughed again and told him my dad painted it.  At first he didn't believe me so I took him into the living room and showed him some more of his paintings and a small sculpture of his we kept on the mantel piece.

Spyder sat down on the sofa in awe at the art.  He told me he had studied Andrew Johnson's work at uni.  He knew he was from Leeds but he never realised he was my dad!  I thought it was so sweet.  I knew my dad was kind of famous but to me he was just dad! 

I cuddled up on the sofa with Spyder and we finished the wine.  It was still early so I opened another bottle of wine and took Spyder up to my bedroom.  He laughed at the state of my room.  It was so cluttered and messy compared to his.  He sat down on my desk chair but I patted the bed next to me.  He bit his lip and came over to sit with me.

I'd been waiting for this moment for forever and I actually felt a bit nervous.  I took a big gulp of wine then I kissed him.  He looked at me and smiled, he had such pretty eyes.  He kissed me back passionately but he pulled away.  He said he'd left his bag downstairs.  I said that didn't matter and went to kiss him again but he pulled away again.  He gave me an awkward look and whispered, 'I need my bag, the condoms are in there...'  I couldn't help but giggle.

Spyder got his bag, he ran all the way back up the stairs and he put the box of condoms on my bedside table.  I gave him a nervous grin.  He took my hand and said, 'I love you, Lora.'  I stared into his brown eyes and said, 'I love you too!'

The floodgates opened and he kissed me like he'd never kissed me before.  He slid his hands up my top and I pulled it over my head.  He did the same and I ran my fingers over his smooth coffee coloured skin, running my thumbs over his dark nipples, making them stand on end.  I never knew he kept in such good shape as I ran my fingers over his six pack, down to the button on his jeans.  It was wonderful.  We slowly undressed each other and just laid on my bed, naked, kissing, touching.  I was so in love it hurt!

Spyder reached over for the condoms.  He seemed so nervous as he fumbled with the box.  His finger nails were short and he struggled to open the packet so I took it from him, tearing it open with my teeth and I eased the condom over his erection.  He moaned as I rolled it down, then he said, 'You've done this before haven't you?'  I bit my lip and said, 'Once or twice...'  I didn't dare tell him I lost my virginity when I was 14 and I'd slept with five blokes before him.  I didn't want him thinking I was a slut or anything.

Spyder was so gentle.  We took things so slowly at first, it was amazing!  I'd never had sex like this before!  Normally it was a frantic race to come as quickly as possible but Spyder was different.  He touched me so softly is was heaven.  Just as I felt that tingling sensation building up inside me he started to move harder and faster.  He held me tighter and pushed deeper and we both cried out as we came at the same time.  That had never happened with any of my other boyfriends! 

It was perfect!  Spyder had the biggest grin on his face.  I think I must have too.  We just held each other, grinning like very satisfied Cheshire cats.  I fell asleep totally wrapped up in Spyder, completely in love.

In the morning I woke up to find Spyder sitting naked on my desk chair, just watching me.  I asked him what he was doing.  He said he was thinking about taking photographs of me.  I was a bit shocked!  I covered myself up and told him I didn't pose for mucky pictures!  He was so embarrassed!  He came back to bed and tried to explain.  He said he didn't mean pictures like that.  He said the female form is one of the most beautiful things in nature and he said he'd love to photograph my body to show me how he sees it and how beautiful I am.  I relaxed and smiled at him.  I must have been feeling brave because I said, 'OK then...'

I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into but I trusted Spyder.  He seemed surprised but happy at my answer and he asked if I was really sure.  I kissed him and said yeah.  He got out of bed and reached into his bag, pulling out his camera.  I didn't think he meant to take the photographs now!  He must have seen the expression on my face, he blushed and said he never went anywhere without it.

Spyder opened the curtains and fiddled with the settings on his camera, taking a couple of test shots and then fiddling with the settings again.  He threw my duvet and pillows off the bed and told me to stretch out on my back.  I did as I was told and he moved around the bed, click, click, clicking, moving my arm, raising my knee, positioning me just so.  I rolled over onto my side, teasing him, but he kept taking pictures.  We must have played that game for half an hour before Spyder said he had enough shots.

He laid down next to me and kissed my neck.  I rolled over and noticed how aroused he was.  'Not that kind of pictures, eh?' I teased, but Spyder redeemed himself by telling me how very beautiful I was.  He moved himself on top of me and handed me a condom packet.  I smiled at him and hastily tore it open, sheathing his penis before we made love again.

We didn't get out of bed until lunchtime.  I begged him to let me see the photographs but he said no, he had to edit them first.  He explained how he manipulated the images in Photoshop to create the perfect picture.  I asked if it was like what they did to celebs in the magazines, but he frowned at me.  He said what he did was a little more artistic than getting rid of zits and making girls look skinnier.  He said he'd do some prints for me.  I wasn't too sure about that, but he promised they'd be tasteful and that I'd love them.

Hunger forced us downstairs.  We raided the fridge and made a huge fry up for lunch, then we went into town to look around the shops.  Spyder held my hand the whole time.  We popped into my shop to see how Kelly was doing.  She said everything was under control and she practically shoved us out of the door!

We spent Saturday evening eating takeaway pizza and watching Hammer Horror movies.  I was pleased to learn Spyder was a big fan of them too.  It was amazing, in some ways we were so different but in others we were totally the same.  I fell asleep before the end of the second movie.  Spyder woke up me when it finished and we went up to bed.  I loved sharing my bed with him, and I loved waking up with him in the morning.

We slept in late Sunday morning.  We were just cuddling in bed when I heard a car pull up on the driveway.  My parents were back early!  We jumped out of bed and got dressed so fast.  Spyder grabbed his bag and I tried to sneak him down the stairs but mum caught us.  It was red faces all round!  I introduced mum to Spyder, only I used his real name, Dean,  and she asked if he'd like to stay for Sunday lunch.  I think she was keen to find out more about him 'cos she wouldn't take no for an answer.  Spyder left his bag in the hall and I made everyone coffee, then my dad walked in and Spyder was all like total hero worship!

I think I showed him up when I told dad that he'd studied him at uni.  Dad was rather proud about that and he took Spyder to his studio at the back of the house.   I hardly got a word in over lunch as dad and Spyder talked shop.  I was so pleased they hit it off.  My mum seemed to like him too, well what's not to like?  He's articulate, clever, witty and nothing like Adam!

After pudding I managed to sneak Spyder back up to my bedroom.  I wished he was sleeping with me again tonight but he had to get back.  He said he wanted to edit the pictures he'd taken of me.  It had been such a crazy weekend I'd forgotten all about those!

I kissed him one last time and reluctantly he went home.  I sat in my bedroom hugging his pillow when my mum knocked on the door.  She guessed that he'd stayed over, but she didn't mind.  I think she was just glad I hadn't had a huge party or something!  She said she liked Dean a lot more than Adam and she could tell from the colour of my aura that I was happy with him.  I rolled my eyes at her, daft old hippy!  I gave her a big hug though and told her I loved her. 

24th February

I nearly got into so much trouble today!  I was having my breakfast when the doorbell rang.  It was a packet for me, special delivery.  I had no idea what it was so I took it back to the kitchen table and opened it.  It was Spyder's photographs of me!  They were totally awesome!  I mean beyond words!  I have never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life!  I actually forgot they were of me until I saw one shot with my tattoo on it.  All the prints were in black and white, but on this one Spyder had picked out the red on the roses so subtly.  It was perfect!

The phone started ringing.  Mum asked me to get it so I put the photographs down on the kitchen table and picked up the phone in the hallway.  It was one of those foreign telesales calls from India so I just hung up.  When I went back into the kitchen I nearly died when I saw my dad looking through the photos!!!

He looked at me and asked me who took them.  I had to tell him it was Spyder.  Then he asked if they were all pictures of me.  The shots were all of my body, you couldn't see my face but the shot of the tattoo gave me away.  I nodded and said yes, they were all of me.  Dad finished his coffee and told me to invite Spyder over tonight because he wanted to talk to him about them.  He walked past me into the hall, picked up his jacket and car keys and went out the front door.  I couldn't tell if he was happy or angry or what?

I called Spyder to let him know I'd got his pictures.  He was so pleased that I liked them but he was very nervous about talking to my dad about them.  It turned out all right in the end though.  Spyder didn't know this but my dad can be a bit of a wind up merchant and boy did he wind him up!  

When Spyder came over dad looked him in the eye and asked him if he'd been taking naked pictures of his daughter.  Spyder went nearly as pale as me!  He very quietly said, 'Yes, sir' and I think he nearly wet himself when my dad burst out laughing.  Dad said they were some of the best photographs he'd seen in a long time and he told Spyder he had a good eye for composition and a very wise choice of subject.  That made me blush!

Dad and Spyder spent the next hour talking.  Dad told him about a friend of his who had a gallery in Bradford.  He wondered if Spyder would like to show some of his work there.  I thought Spyder was going to cry!  He shook my dad's hand and said he'd love to.  I was so pleased until I realised that he meant to use the naked photographs of me! 

I tried to tell Spyder he couldn't use those, they were just supposed to be for us, but Spyder pleaded with me, telling me I had a beautiful body and I should be proud of it, then he looked up and saw the expression on my dad's face.  It was rather awkward!  It must have been hard for dad looking at the pictures Spyder had taken, knowing that the naked woman was his little girl. 

Dad said he wouldn't ask about the circumstances in which the pictures were taken.  I think my cheeks went as red as my hair!  He carried on about consenting adults and all that, but he said the photograph really were very good so I agreed to let Spyder show them.

Spyder took me down the pub to celebrate.  I'd never seen him quite so happy or animated.  He was so shy and quiet most of the time, but tonight he was so alive.  Spyder took me to The Ferret but I knew it was a bad idea the moment I saw Adam was working tonight.

Spyder walked up to the bar but Adam shook his head and walked away.  Spyder was very polite and said, 'Excuse me, 2 pints of lager please.'  Adam said 'We don't serve your type in here!'  I took Spyder's hand and said we could get a drink somewhere else but Spyder wouldn't let it go.  He asked Adam what he meant. 

I'm not even going to write what Adam said, but he called Spyder a lot of really bad names.  I never knew he was so racist!  Spyder just stood there and took it, I was really proud of him, then I realised he could see something Adam couldn't - the landlord standing right behind him!  The landlord's reaction wasn't pretty.  Adam got fired and we got free drinks.

That kind of killed the mood a little.  I apologised for Adam's behaviour.  I couldn't believe he said those things to him but Spyder said he'd heard it all before at school.  Kids can be so cruel! 

Spyder said he'd been bullied a lot because of his parents.  His mum was white, Leeds born and bred but his dad was black, from Jamaica.  He never fitted in with the popular crowd, he wasn't really good at sports, he liked different music, he just wasn't like the other kids.  When he was 14 he had an art teacher who encouraged him to explore his talents and embrace who he was.  He said he dreaded his hair and started taking photographs, and that gave him the confidence to stand up to the bullies. 

He said he realised then how lucky he was, he had the best of both worlds.  Rice and peas AND chips and gravy.  That made me laugh so much!  I gave him a big hug and said I didn't care what colour he was.  I told him he was a beautiful person inside and out, and I loved him very much, even if he did take mucky pictures of me!

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